Bite This

#190: Apple of My Eye

I'm wondering how Steve Jobs must've felt when the board of directors kicked him out of Apple years back. Apple was his baby. He gave birth to it. Then came spreadsheet-toting investors who, at some point, said, "Heck this dude doesn't know what he's doing. Let's sack him."

I'm feeling a little Steve-Job-ish now.

What do you do when someone takes your idea and runs away with it?

Whiff It

#189: Coffee Break

4:05pm. In a meeting which has been going on since 11am.

"I need a break. I'm getting out of this room to get coffee."

"You don't need to get coffee. I have coffee beans in my bag. Just smell them."
At which point she pulls out a 1kg bag of coffee beans and lets her team mate take a sniff.

Rush Hour Camellias

#188: Morning Smile

I love seeing this tree with bright red flowers every morning on my way to the bus stop. It's winter. It's a struggle to take a shower in the morning. It's a struggle to smile. But the red Camellias smile on even under heartless downpours. And so I smile back at them. Every morning.

What do you see on your way to work?

Emotional Leaks

#187: Addressing Emotional Adultery

I'm re-reading a book I finished over two years ago and one interesting concept I came across is "Emotional Adultery." It's from D.Raunikar's book, "Choosing God's Best" and it's under the sub-topic "Emotional Oneness."

Many who have never been involved in a sexual affair have had emotional affairs. Counterfeit emotional oneness develops when you give your emotions to someone beyond what is required for friendship...

Many marriages have faltered when partners have become emotionally entangled with someone else by allowing their conversation levels to go deeper than the commitment levels required for friendship. This is called Emotional Adultery.

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One of my friends raised a question a couple of weeks ago about the possibility (or feasibility) of maintaining an "ex" as a close friend. I don't have "ex's" in the technical sense of the word and most of the guys who've crossed lines in the past, I've cut off from my life so I wasn't in the best position to give good insights that night. Thinking about it now, I've come to realize that consciously or sub-consciously, I have actually tried keeping certain distances from previously close guy friends whenever they enter relationships to avoid getting cast as a "third party." (Trauma, anyone?)

This brings me to point out certain levels of willingness to step aside so that relationships of a particular kind can flourish. You cannot let an "ex" continue occupying a space which is no longer his or hers. One may reason out that it's only a small portion or little square foot of emotions that are being exchanged with him/her. Thing is, it doesn't matter how small you perceive or paint it to be. It's still a leak in the bucket. It's still a crack. It's still a possible avenue for emotional adultery.

I guess a good measure is to ask whether the topic being discussed could be shared with the current partner. If not, then why not? Another good question would be whether this can be shared with another friend who doesn't have the baggage of previous involvement. If it can, then why choose the "ex"? Third, we can ask whether we can talk about this with a person of the same gender instead. Does it really have to be with someone from the opposite gender?

I know it's more complex than this. As I said, it's not like I've really encountered such a problem before. I'm not an expert in the subject matter. The only credential I can claim is that of being able to cut ties and quietly walk away.

Lucy in The Sky with Diamonds

#186: Is a Diamond Forever?

In our Strategy class (which is being taught by this dignified silver-haired professor with crisp shirts and precisely-pressed coats - sorry, I had to throw that detail in. He's attractive for a 60 year old man. And that's the beauty of being a professor. Your value increases as you grow older. Not like in the corporate world where respect declines as you grow older without the corresponding progress to the top position. But I digress.) our first case was the Argyle Diamonds case. Argyle is Australia's top diamond producer with cutting & polishing operations in Perth, investments in processing facilities in India, China and Thailand, and a trading center in Antwerp. The case was mostly about laying down the value chain and seeing where value is created. Is it in the mining? The cutting and polishing? The trading? Nope. It is in the value proposition of diamonds. Value is created in the minds of the consumers who, after DeBeers' 1939 campaign "A Diamond is Forever" promoting the diamond engagement ring as a must (primarily to soak up stockpiles of diamond surplus), started making diamonds "a must" in making their commitment official.

To illustrate, the professor asked married and engaged people in class to raise up their hands. He then proceeded to ask the guys the average amount they spent for their engagement rings. Without giving exact figures, someone blurted out, "a month's salary." The teaching assistant proceeded to write on the board the average monthly salary of an MBA graduate. Then this girl from the back of the room oozing with confidence and overflowing with perkiness defiantly said, "Not a month! At least three months' salary!" Which then triggered eyebrows to shoot up in disbelief. I think it was a defining moment for her in that the whole class started knowing her name. She was Lucy in the sky with diamonds. And all the guys started loathing her.

I remember this TV show I saw snippets of sometime back where the lead girl, who was previously sure about marrying this guy, started having doubts because of the cut of the diamond ring he gave when he proposed. She felt that the choice (round diamond in yellow gold setting) reflected his unfamiliarity with her tastes and with her as a whole. "He doesn't really know me. How could I marry someone who doesn't really know me?" Of course before the end of the episode, the guy - one way or another (got her friend to do the picking, I think), ended up re-proposing with the emerald cut one in platinum (or white gold) setting. Nice ring. Weird ending. How does that address her concerns about his unfamiliarity with her as a whole? Wasn't that just a display of his resourcefulness in accessing relevant information? The friend helped with the choice, good. But did she act in a counterproductive way by accelerating her move toward that direction without the resolution she needed for her issue?

I go back to my talk on value propositions. What is the value proposition of a diamond? It is in the attached meaning. For some, that is inextricably linked to the price. A one carat (200mg) diamond that is D-flawless cannot be differentiated by the naked eye from a half-carat SI (slightly imperfect) one. But the difference between USD40,000 and USD430 (wholesale prices in 1981) will definitely hurt the poor guy wanting to merely express his commitment and desire to be with his girl forever. I don't know about Lucy but she may be able to get a couple of tips from JLo's 5-carat engagement to Ben Affleck.

The professor told us about this dude who bought an extremely expensive engagement ring for his girl. They were at the beach and when the girl was about to swim with the ring, he freaked out and asked why the heck she planned to swim with such an expensive thing? She looked at him and said, "You want me to take it off? Here. It's off. So is the engagement." She threw the ring on the sand and stormed off. Ick.

For others, it's not in the price. It's in the story. You can break this down further by grouping stories of fabulous proposals (HongKong, Singapore...billboards, beachside with sandcastles and candles and floating flowers whatever) and those of just beautiful love stories building up to that point. The proposal might be glamorous and a well-oiled major production with fireworks and tap-dancing but if the path getting there is littered with bones of conflict and distrust, what can you look forward to after the stardust has settled?

When I went back to the Philippines, I was overwhelmed with flashing bling-blings and stories of engagement proposals. To be honest, I couldn't tell one ring from another. (Except I noticed that Rachel's was set in white gold). And if I compiled all the stories - all cool ones, I tell you, I know that before the next breath, someone, somewhere in some other part of the Philippines, some guy is topping those stories by walking on a tightrope, holding fireballs, eating broken glass and spitting out a diamond ring to propose to his woman. It's not THE story. It's how the story is YOUR shared story.

What's the bottomline? Outside of the industry that Argyle actually plays in, there is no way of accurately measuring the depth of the meaning of a diamond. It goes beyond carat, cut, clarity, color. It weaves experiences, emotions, and expectations for the future and such into it. DeBeers' campaign is no doubt brilliant but before we put a tag to the ring, we ought to ask: which should be forever anyway - the diamond or the commitment behind it?

Going Home

#185: Bye Manila

My brother and his girlfriend drive us to the old icky airport. On our way there, the muted colors of slums and sari-sari stores bid us - bid me farewell. It was all laughter until I embraced my dad to say goodbye. Why do goodbyes always sting? My mom tells me to be a good girl. Our maids try to hide the sadness of it all behind dishwashing suds and mocking voices: "Go. Leave. So we don't have to clean up after you anymore." The airport looms and I think, I'm going home. No. I'm leaving home.

Winter is Warmer

#184: Rain on this Parade

The day starts with "Manila" playing in the background and ends with raindrops on my windshield. The tables turn, then turn again. I meet his greeting with half a smile and silence. He hands me a gift for my parents. I mumble my thanks. It would have been sweet but I feel nothing. I've moved on. On to the one whose soothing words never fail to pierce the cold silence of my heart. One who stands as a starck contrast to his void and darkness. I meet his soft blue eyes with half a smile. The other half I decide to keep for when we leave. Sydney's winter promises more warmth. I close my eyes and wait for its sweet warm welcome.